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All I Want For Christmas Is A Pony With A Jet Pack

by Call Me Malcolm

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1.
I hate Santa cause he doesn’t exist It doesn’t matter anyhow cause he’s stupid Christmas tree and stockings All add up to nothing Too many years too many presents been wasted My Nintendo and my He-Man playset The Snowman and your good cheer they’re not welcome round here Fuck the halls, I’ll only deck Santa Don’t want your socks or your snowflake jumper Shove your good tidings up your arse, have them back Cause all I want for Christmas is a pony with a jet pack I hate Santa cause he always brings me Glad tidings and Mariah Carey The season is all wasted It fills me with such hatred Twas a snowy Christmas eve in the Malcolm houses When all were inebriated, including the mouses When all of a sudden and into the fray The sprinkling of a tinkling of a jingling sleigh Out stepped a bearded and rotund old man With a suit ruby red and an arctic tan But his jolly demeanour and amiable ways Were replaced by a grimace and foul mannered gaze “Huzzah!” Derryck said, “What joy and what luck!” “Screw you!” replied Santa “You ungrateful fucks! I spend Christmas Eve giving presents and cheer While you sit around drinking whiskey and beer.” “Well that’s a fair point.” said Derryck, contrite With that Santa went, on into the night The moral of the story, I guess if we need to Is don’t be a bitch, or Santa will hate you HO, HO, HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS ARSEHOLES! Fuck the halls, I’ll only deck Santa Don’t want your socks or your snowflake jumper Shove your glad tidings up your arse, have them back I just want a pony

credits

released December 16, 2014

Derryck T. Hughes - Vox/Bone
Lucias - Vox/Guitar
Trev - Bass
Baxter - Beats

Artwork by Dan Johnson.

Recorded by Derryck T. Hughes and Lucias Malcolm at Fourth Wave Sounds, Orpington. Mixed by Meesta Grimalkin. Mastered by Dave Lear.

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Besharp Records London, UK

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