All I Want For Christmas Is A Pony With A Jet Pack

by Call Me Malcolm

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1.

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released December 16, 2014

Derryck T. Hughes - Vox/Bone
Lucias - Vox/Guitar
Trev - Bass
Baxter - Beats

Artwork by Dan Johnson.

Recorded by Derryck T. Hughes and Lucias Malcolm at Fourth Wave Sounds, Orpington. Mixed by Meesta Grimalkin. Mastered by Dave Lear.

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Track Name: All I Want For Christmas Is A Pony With A Jet Pack
I hate Santa cause he doesn’t exist
It doesn’t matter anyhow cause he’s stupid
Christmas tree and stockings
All add up to nothing

Too many years too many presents been wasted
My Nintendo and my He-Man playset
The Snowman and your good cheer
they’re not welcome round here

Fuck the halls, I’ll only deck Santa
Don’t want your socks or your snowflake jumper
Shove your good tidings up your arse, have them back
Cause all I want for Christmas is a pony with a jet pack

I hate Santa cause he always brings me
Glad tidings and Mariah Carey
The season is all wasted
It fills me with such hatred

Twas a snowy Christmas eve in the Malcolm houses
When all were inebriated, including the mouses
When all of a sudden and into the fray
The sprinkling of a tinkling of a jingling sleigh
Out stepped a bearded and rotund old man
With a suit ruby red and an arctic tan
But his jolly demeanour and amiable ways
Were replaced by a grimace and foul mannered gaze
“Huzzah!” Derryck said, “What joy and what luck!”
“Screw you!” replied Santa “You ungrateful fucks!
I spend Christmas Eve giving presents and cheer
While you sit around drinking whiskey and beer.”
“Well that’s a fair point.” said Derryck, contrite
With that Santa went, on into the night
The moral of the story, I guess if we need to
Is don’t be a bitch, or Santa will hate you

HO, HO, HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS ARSEHOLES!

Fuck the halls, I’ll only deck Santa
Don’t want your socks or your snowflake jumper
Shove your glad tidings up your arse, have them back
I just want a pony